Self Mastery: A Narcissistic Dream

Part 1 of 2

Can you achieve self mastery? Many self-improvement coaches and authors claim that you can. I’m skeptical towards the idea of “self mastery.” I don’t think it’s a real thing. Here are my thoughts about this topic.

We are not closed systems

Holding the belief that you can master yourself is simultaneously holding the assumption that you’re a closed system that can be conquered. Therefore, and under this assumption, your life has an arriving point where all will be perfect and there is nothing more for you to do—game over. 

But you know this assumption is far from being true. Life is full of challenges, successes and failures, ups and downs, and lefts and rights. One door closes while another door opens. There’s always another mountain to climb with a higher peak. Just when you think you know something, there’s always more to learn.

I’m sure there are more cliches I could throw in, but the point is: we are open and dynamic systems. We are constantly changing, evolving, adapting, and reorganizing. How can we master something this complex and forever changing?

Furthermore, you secretly don’t want to master your life. Imagine the boredom after you have reached the end game. I’d be like, “What’s next? Can I play another game?”

Standards? What standards

What are the standards for self mastery? For instance, to become a master plumber, you need a minimum number of hours under supervision, pass an exam, pay a fee, and meet continuing education requirements. There’s a clear and verifiable standard to become a master plumber. 

There’s no such standard for self mastery—at least, none that I am aware of. We could use the common, but arbitrary, 10,000 hour rule. This rule suggests that you need 10,000 hours of study or practice to master a skill. For example, to become a grandmaster chess player you would need to have 10,000 hours of practice or matchplay. 

Even if 10,000 hours were the standard, there are several holes that need patching. For instance, what is the common agreement that determines where you must invest your 10,000 hours to claim self mastery? What are the precise skills and experiences needed? What are the continuing education requirements? Where is the self mastery governing board and who do you report to?

Once you start poking and questioning the idea of self mastery, it starts to breakdown and then become obvious that the concept of self mastery is just another delusion held up by marketing schemes and pyramids.

Split yourself in two

For self mastery to work, you need a broken self to master, or else there’s nothing to work on and nobody to master. This forces a division of self: the seeker who pursues self mastery and the broken self who needs to be controlled, disciplined, fixed, and mastered.

Can you see the irony? Before the idea of self mastery, you were possibly whole and put together. Once the concept of self mastery is introduced and its pursuit begins, however, you are broken and need to be fixed.

What if you were never broken to begin with? What if the self-improvement industry is manufacturing the concept that you’re a broken down jalopy who sucks at life? There’s a lot of money to be made in that. I know this sounds like a cynic’s diary, but maybe I’m on to something.

A good litmus test for deciding if self mastery is a worthwhile pursuit or a narcissistic dream is: would you feel comfortable telling your friends, family, or even strangers that you have mastered yourself? To test this without embarrassment, I once stood in my kitchen and shouted, “I have mastered myself!” I cringed and then wondered if I was a masochist. 

If you want to save the embarrassment, just imagine meeting a friend and saying, “Hey, John, guess what? I achieved self mastery! I’m totally stoked!” You might get a good laugh at first, but when he realizes you are serious, your sanity will be in question. 

Conclusion

In conclusion, be cautious of coaches and authors who make claims and promises of achieving self mastery. The path of self mastery often leads down a rabbit hole of delusion, narcissism, and lining other people’s pockets.