This week
On a recent late morning, I was pulling fistfuls of Corn Flakes from the box and jamming them into my mouth. Most of those tasty, crispy flakes made it to the intended destination, but several of them slipped through my fingers and onto the floor.
As I squatted to pick up those stragglers, a stroke of intelligence (jury is still out on that one) pierced my brain. I thought, “Why did those flakes fall on the floor while the other ones made it to my mouth? Was it destiny? Did God plan it this way? Was it complete randomness? Who is really in control?”
And that’s just it—who is really in control?
We think that we’re in control, but the reality is we have less influence over our life, and the events that happen to us, than we actually do1. For example, are you controlling how to breathe? How to walk? Eat? Feel? Think? Did you control when you were born? Can you control when you will die? At any moment we could get snuffed out of existence by other people, by disease, or by nature.
Our greatest fear in life is not death, public speaking, or Trump getting re-elected, it’s losing control. Because who am I with no control?
Recent posts
Doubt Everything
Doubting everything in your life will help you realize the illusion of control. Doubt is also an important companion for your spiritual growth.
Continue reading (micro.blog) or see the slideshow (Instagram)
What I’m reading
Upgrading Your Reference Frames
I have always found “changing your beliefs” a difficult thing to do. Especially changing those hard-to-find core beliefs that shape our identity. I have tried, for many years, working with my beliefs, eliminating beliefs, and installing new ones. And yet, I still have no idea if I have been successful. How do I know when a belief is gone? How do I know when I successfully installed a new one? So I have pretty much ditched the “change your beliefs” approach and instead focus on identifying and referencing supporting frames. Using the right frames has been a much easier and a more successful approach.
Self-help, self-care & grind culture are coercive systems disguised with “positivity”
There are many issues with the self-improvement industry. Some of those issues include endless and constant growth, the idea that you are broken, and manifestation culture. But the one thing I have not talked much about is how the self-improvement culture creates isolation and loneliness.
Genjo Koan, by Eihei Dogen
Below is a small snippet of the Genjo Koan. I have been contemplating this verse for a few months now. The mind-fuck part of it, at least to me, is this line: “But do not suppose that the ash is after and the firewood is before.”
Firewood turns into ash and does not turn into firewood again.
But do not suppose that the ash is after and the firewood is before.
We must realize that firewood is in the state of being firewood and has its before and after. Yet having this before and after, it is independent of them.
Ash is in the state of being ash and has its before and after.
Just as firewood does not become firewood again after it is ash, so after one’s death one does not return to life again.
Real wealth
What is it? I explain real wealth here (micro.blog) and here (Instagram).
Contemplate and answer the questions below:
What are the things you’ve told yourself you should, must, have to do in order to be “seen” as worthy of life & love by society or in order to be validated by others? How were you socially conditioned to believe these norms from my earliest years to now (e.g. school, family, media, etc.)?2
The Decision Lab. “Illusion of Control.” Website, https://thedecisionlab.com/biases/illusion-of-control. Accessed 13 August 2022.
Woke Scientist. “How to navigate the societal shame of failure & divest from the made-up capitalist notion of success.” Instagram, https://www.instagram.com/p/ChFiAkDu4D5/. Accessed 11 August 2022.